4:10 AM. I like how at this hour, if I sit real still and just listen, the only sounds I hear is the ticking of the clock, hanging somewhat crooked on my wall and constantly rebuking me for being too darn lazy to burn the whole 3 calories it would take to lift my finger and tilt it back into place, and the sound of occasional cars driving by my house. For some odd reason, I really like this combination of sounds. The consistency of the metronome is somewhat soothing, but at the same time there’s inconsistency as well, because you can never quite tell when the next whiz of a late night drive-by will happen. But there always IS another one sooner or later, and well, maybe that, after all, makes it consistent. Anyway, this is usually how I fall asleep every night. Listening to and tucked to bed by these two sounds.
Tonight I celebrated with newly weds Mr. and Mrs. Ok (congrats, again 
). Weddings are always such an interesting experience for me. I’ve always felt something so wonderfully (but sometimes disturbingly) supernatural about weddings… so holy and complete. And when I see the mere human pastor up at the alter presiding over the wedding ceremony, I can’t help but always be in awe of how a tangible man-made event decorated in dresses and cakes and petals and sparking cider…can be used to lock in an eternal, divine, and heaven-sent deal. It kinda chills me. Because it’s so cool, and it’s also so scary.
I also like to do a lot of people-watching at weddings. Creepy, maybe, but the formality of weddings sort of clobber me so I center my outlet on quietly evaluating and judging others. Just kidding, I try not to judge. Observe, is a more welcoming word. I observe people. And based on my observations, I then draw in a big white dialogue box above their heads and guess at what they are thinking or would be thinking at that time, and what emotion they are representing. Like you ever see those refrigerator stickies of a whole bunch of cartoon faces, each with an exaggerated and distinct emotion? I decide what face they are. I get an inkling that may be a weird thing to do, but at any rate, it passes time and keeps me distracted from my own awkwardness and inability to thrive in such social settings. “Wallflower” by Priscilla Ahn. She says it all too well.
Dancing. Lots of dancing today. And laughing, drinking, toasting, flashing (camera, fools), beauty, heels, sprinklers, fondue, men and women celebrating and being merry. Makes me wanna be a wedding-crasher.
This is a song that reminds me of tonight. Wilco – “Sky Blue Sky”. I always feel a little better after listening to this song.
Oh, I didn’t die.
I should be satisfied,
I survived.
That’s good enough for now.
Goodnight, sweet dreams.
