Christmas over a heineken.
December 26, 2011
Christmas day. One of the few times of the year that most folks take a moment to stretch their backs, drop their things and head back to the dens of their roots. Slowly. In traffic.
Christmas day. A day marked by good food, laughter, generosity, egg-based drinks, and a waste in electricity.
Christmas day. The day that tradition has identified as the day of judgment for all of one’s words, actions, misdeeds, and charity in the past year. The day you get to cash in your chips for a brand new xbox or a slick new bicycle that somehow the fat man fit down your little chimney. Or glare enviously at those that were able to, while secretly plotting a way to steal the goods from those good for nothing goody-two-shoes.
To sum it up, Christmas day – the most boring day of the year. Because for some reason, someone a long time ago decided that on the 25th of december of every year, people no longer need to have NEEDS. Like the need to mail things, or buy cat litter from the pet shop, or get a long overdue haircut, or I dont know, eat (except for korean businesses…those hardworking fools). But I guess all’s fair because he or she still wanted to watch movies 
Personally, this Christmas is slightly more difficult, but slightly sweeter at the same time than most for me. Christmas time is a time where the beauty and joys of life are celebrated. The focus is mainly on love, blessings, cheer and good tidings…never on hatred, poverty, and the milliions of dark, cold alleys that for one old man, will be the only constant and comfort in his life. All the season’s soup kitchens and salvation army donations still dont amount to the millions of dollars spent each year at toys r’us and the apple store. And I’ve never seen a christmas card that read, “Conscientious Christmas and Contemplative Holidays to you!”. And you know what, there’s good reason for it. Everyone needs some time to not have to think about the ugly and the broken and to simply rest in the warmth of what is good. Maybe that’s why everyone loves Christmas, even those that don’t believe in Jesus. There’s just an unexplainable air of good cheer, of expectation, a magnetic pull towards happiness. That’s why I have always loved Christmas.
Maybe it’s because I am getting old, maybe its because I have recently lost a happiness in my life, maybe I just have too much time on my hands to let my mind wander and explore, but this Christmas feels different. Yesterday and today was as warm and joyful as ever, if not more, with the addition of new members to the Cho family. The whole Christmas deal – good homecooked meal, rubbing of full bellies and washing it down with makkoli, opening gifts, sharing stories and good times, attending church.
But I can’t really explain the incongruence. Why, for some reason, the inviting smile from my mom reminded me of my shortcomings as a daughter, or why the carefree and liberating laughter of a 2 year old drew attention to the constraints of my own. Sometimes when you see the fullness of love and of life in others, it paints such a clear picture of the emptiness in parts of your own.
Its 10:30 pm right now on Christmas day, and I can only imagine how many families there are right now cozied up by the company of loved ones, and even not-so-loved ones in the family. At the same time, I also cannot imagine how many souls there are out there wishing this night would end quickly, less painfully, perhaps with the help of alcohol to wash down the reality of their own decrepid lives. There is no hot, homemade meal at their table, no gifts wrapped in shiny red wrapping paper, no tv to watch the game while drinking your favorite beer. And it makes me think…I wonder how Jesus would have spent Christmas. Granted it is his birthday, he’d have a hell of a lot of party invites, probably to some really nice ones. But would he have wanted to go? To celebrate himself? Sounds appropriate…but I fancy imagining J finding some dark, cold alley somewhere, settling down next to that lonely old man, with a beer and an extra in hand and keeping him company through that harsh night of Christmas. I think that his focus would not have been of all the love and blessings, but all the lack of it in this world. I think its safe to say that Jesus is probably the world’s most unconditionally loving pessimist
All the while, I do feel extremely blessed. My mom received her very first Coach purse for Christmas, the first handbag she’s ever owned that cost more than $20 from the local Ross store. I, on the other hand, own four Coach bags that I have held onto for years before I even thought to ensure that my own mother had nice things too. But still, she was so grateful, so full of joy and appreciation for the show of miniscule generosity, as delayed as it was. I’m thankful for second chances, of a wealth of love that may not be able to replace the loss of old loves, but that which, if embraced, can help heal it. I’m thankful that no matter what, even if I am a hopeless disaster, there is an unchanging constant in my life – that I am loved by Christ.
Happy birthday, Jesus. Forgive me for not keeping in touch, but I’d like to talk soon…maybe over a Heineken or two. I have a lot on my mind..
